Lessons Learned from Years with Counseling

Some Good Advice for Married Couples

Familiarity is often a result of the time that you have been together as a married couple. Married couples have to be careful that this familiarity will not become a fuel for the breakdown of their marriage. If you judge the actions of your spouse without communicating to him/her, then you will tend to react to the inferred cues. The ability to be receptive before responding is one behavior that can help marriages to work. It is only a product of your own creation that you perceive certain innuendos in your partner and this has been a results of a seeming concurrent pattern that you have made up yourself. While it is true that certain cues are a form of non verbal communication, it is not good to rely only on these because there is such a thing as a real communication which is dynamic and changes according to the needs of the other person. It is not therefore enough just to rely merely on non-verbal cues but it is good to cultivate good communication between the two of you.

So, if we are always reacting to cues instead of being patient, kind, gentle and using our intuitive intelligence, we act like uncivilized people reacting to mere cues.

Sometimes the emotion involved in being a person reactive to cues is very strong that it tend to be very destructive so what needs to be done is to cultivate cognitive capabilities – one that is able to resist these powerful emotions and set the mind at work.

Many spouses have this entitlement mindset that is very detrimental to a marriage. The attitude that says, “I deserve it” is the one that is responsible to almost all types of a relational conflict because this mental outlook characterizes the person to have a legal right over something. While it is desirable to want something, it is another to demand to have a right over it. If you want your marriage to survive, don’t demand anything from your spouse and lower your expectations of the other and instead count the many good things that your spouse does for your and for your family. There has to be an intentional looking at the good things for both partners to do and soon they will see that having this relationship is not too bad after all.

If a couple is willing to give their marriage a chance but is not able to do it themselves, then it is best for them to seek a third party to help them out in their desire. Couples who want to give their relationship another chance should seek the help of a marriage counselor and therapist in order to help them with their goals of improving their relationship.

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